Pron...It was softcore, but still I'm the bad guy..

Hello blogger fans, it's been awhile, but that's fine. It's how my life goes from time to time. Well once again, it seems that I'm on my own, relationship wise. Things have been building up for a while and honestly I have my faults in this and I really was trying to get things lined up on my end, cause quite honestly, I do love my Fiancee very much.

However, it seems that now things are over for good. Why is it over? Well the title of the blog should tell you why. About a year ago, my fiancee was on my laptop and was surfing the web, I have never been shy about where I browse nor have I ever deleted my browsing history. Well she came across a website that I had visited and this site was a porn site. Now I'm your every day average American male, I have viewed porn. Do I have an unhealthy obsession with pron? Not in my opinion, however she found it and let me know she wasn't at all pleased with me watching it. Now I had figured that every male watches porn at one time or another that it's not a big deal.

Well She got highly upset about what I was viewing and she let me know of this displeasure. Now knowing it upset her, I stopped visiting websites. I have asked her from time to time to watch some with me and the subject quickly gets changed. We have watched a couple of videos a few time, not big deal, well that was until last night/this evening. We were sitting in the front room and both playing our video game. I flipped threw the channels and come across Skinaporn on Cinemax, so I stop at the channel.

After a few minutes, she mentions to me that she finds this very distracting (or that's what I heard her say, she said she finds it distrubing), so I flip the channel over to Grease 2 and go on my way playing WoW, later I flip the Cinemax show back on, I had forgotten where it was previously and just hit last. I'm in the middle of a fight, so I don't really pay attention to what's on the tv (Thinking back, I should have never changed the channel in the middle of playing a game.) Well things on the TV get heated and I look up and quickly change it because I had forgotten.

Now about 2 weeks ago, She had gone to the bathroom and while she was in there, I had flipped on Cineporn and she was yelling from the bathroom what was I watching, from the moaning and all she knew what I had on. Thinking back to that night, I figure that watching it together wouldn't be a big deal, so I flip it back a couple more times (She says I did it a total of 5, I'm not sure if it was that much) Well then she proceeds to tell me that I'm disrespectful, that I've hurt her feelings and that I don't care about her.

I had no intention for this to happen, Here I thought we were just playing around, putting it on to show her I was interested. Yes I know not the best reason to put it on, but I thought cause we had it on a week ago and was joking that we'd be ok. Well this causes a great big fight and trust me when I say things have been shaky the last few days. Well now I'm the bad guy and she says we're done.

Well now I feel horrible, it was not my intention to make her feel bad about having it on, I was joking around and having a little tongue in cheek humor. I now know that I over stepped my boundaries, but I guess we're done and now I'm sleeping in the attic, with no air or fan. Guess I deserve this one and now she's saying that this what her ex husband did to her. I think that she is the most beautiful woman in the world and her nickname is beautiful and now I've hurt her so bad she wants it over.

Twitter

We know how well I do with updates on this blog, so well I felt the need to set up a twitter account.

You can follow me

https://twitter.com/LesMac48185

Confused

It's been quite awhile since I've actually sat down and blogged. Some of it has been out of sheer lack of time and some of it has been out of sure fear.

What do I have to fear you may ask? That I'm not sure. Once again I feel like I'm in a state of mind that has me confused and honestly I'm really trying to figure it out. Why do people find it such a shock that I am with a woman that had 5 kids before I met her (All by the same father) and even more shocked when I mentioned that we had a child together. Sure it's not the most conventional situation, but damn it I'm not the conventional type. I do what will make me happy. There's nothing to be surprised about.

Seems like things with our living arrangement are in flux. Our landlord decided that he didn't want to rent houses any longer and is putting the house we live in up for sale. That means a mad scramble for another house. We had something lined up, but the protential landlord after telling us that we were in, backed out on the deal saying and I quote "There a just to many people". I've never felt discriminated against before but do now.

I'm not so sure that Caron is happy with our situation either. I've looked over some of the old pictures she's had with her ex and the boyfriend before me and I just see a happier person. Maybe I'm looking to much into that. Doesn't help that my previous relationship was with a controling piece of trash that didn't want me touching her without permission and now I'm so hesitant to touch Caron that I think it's causing problems.

Like I said I'm just confused and need to get past some things I guess.

Political Compass (WSOW)

Political Compass test website

Interesting little website.

Your political compass
Economic Left/Right: -7.75
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.28


Is where I'm at on the scale

right in line with Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, and The Dali Lama

A to Z

A - An advantage that you have: I know about computers.

B - Blue or brown eyes: I have brown eyes

C - Chore you hate: Mowing the lawn

D - Dad's name: James/Jim

E - Essential start of your day: opening my eyes

F - Favorite color: I have a lot of colors I like. Black and Blue go well together

G - Greatest thing you've ever done that made you feel really good: Becoming a dad

H - Habit you have: that World of Warcraft bug has bitten me again.

I - Issue you hate that the world tries to make you pursue: Religion (not that I hate it, I just think everyone should believe what they way. I mean we aren't all going to be right in the end)

J - Job title: Field Service Technician

K - Khols or Target: Neither

L - Living arrangements: I'm living I guess.

M - Music you like: I do like it yes. I don't cookie cut myself into a certain genre

N - Nicknames: Red, Les, Babycakies

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Other than with Caron, I haven't had to stay

P - Pet Peeve: User who claim they did nothing to the computer. Listen, either you tell me and I get it done in 5 minutes or you don't and I have to spend hours figuring it out. Your call

Q - Quote that you like most: Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive -- the risk to be alive and express what we really are- Don Miguel Ruiz:

R - Right or left handed: I'm a righty

S - Siblings: 2 brothers 2 Sisters

T - Time you wake up: To early

U - Underwear: Sure I have underwear

V - Vegetable you dislike: Bussell Sprouts

W - What makes you run late: Procrastination. (I like Nigel's answer)

X-rays you've had: Um, I've had some. Hand, head, foot, chest. I was a very active boy growing up. What do you expect (though I've never broken anything knock on wood)

Y - Yummy food you make: I make a mean Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich as well as a mean Grill Cheese

Z- Zoo Animal: The Penguins are pretty cool.

Who's to blame?

A lot can be said about the ever sliding economy in Michigan, the Metro Detroit area being the area that effects me. Who is to blame? I blame the people that have put all our eggs in the Auto Industry basket in hopes that it would keep this area booming. No offense to the Auto Industry, the UAW mainly, but keeping the drunken idiots in the plants while hard working men and women would kill for a job just baffles me. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the auto workers are good hard working individuals, but you still have the occassional lazy, drunken, drug addict that stumbles into work barely able to stand that puts good honest men and women in harms way.

Another problem is the city of Detroit or what I call the city of You owe us something. Have you driven around this city? I have the privledge of working for the Detroit Public Schools and yes they're all screwed up to, but I can say Robert Bobb is going to do good things. I drive from school to school and see the decay that is Detroit. Burnt down buildings, abandoned fields, building they are trying to call historical landmarks and keep up for no other purpose than to keep them up (The old Train Station and Tiger Stadium are prime examples). Then the city has a city council that expects the suburbs to just hand them stuff with no strings attached. Cobo Hall is in shambles and you're fighting over a regional committee running it. You obviously didn't do that great of a job running it so why not give it to a regional committee that might get it back on track. you have a city council member that whenever she speaks comes across as unintelligent. Saying that black people can't be racist and calling the council president Shrek.

Don't even get me started on the former Mayors. Young and Kilpatrick ran this city into the ground and the people of Detroit ran Archer out. The man was responsible for some great things that Kilpatrick took credit for. Not so sure what to think of Bing, I guess we'll see with time. It just seemst that the City wants to put up a wall around it and keep everyone "not like them" out but they still want us to give them everything.

So who's to blame? A lot of people are to blame for Michigan's current state.

Conficker among other things

Haven't really updated the website in awhile. Life is just going buy yet again. I had posted before about my job and that I was probably going to leave after they asked me to take a pay cut. I just couldn't bring myself to do that, so I'm still there and working hard. Since the beginning of April Detroit Public Schools has been fighting the conficker virus. I was stuck at the main offices for about a month, but now I'm out at the schools. Caron has been released from the hospital and is back home, semi healthy. She has to have her wound packed twice a day.

Claire is doing wonderful and I will get pictures up here sooner or later. The kids are going to school and getting excited about the end of the school year. I'm still not sure how much longer my contract is going to last at DPS, as I may be off when the Summer hits, which may be nice.

Lots of thing going on in my head, but right now I'm reverting back to the keeping things to myself instead of blogging about it. Maybe I just need to put it down on cyberpaper and be done with it.