In the Mind of a Computer Geek

Pron...It was softcore, but still I'm the bad guy..

2010-08-01T03:53:00.004-04:00

Hello blogger fans, it's been awhile, but that's fine. It's how my life goes from time to time. Well once again, it seems that I'm on my own, relationship wise. Things have been building up for a while and honestly I have my faults in this and I really was trying to get things lined up on my end, cause quite honestly, I do love my Fiancee very much.

However, it seems that now things are over for good. Why is it over? Well the title of the blog should tell you why. About a year ago, my fiancee was on my laptop and was surfing the web, I have never been shy about where I browse nor have I ever deleted my browsing history. Well she came across a website that I had visited and this site was a porn site. Now I'm your every day average American male, I have viewed porn. Do I have an unhealthy obsession with pron? Not in my opinion, however she found it and let me know she wasn't at all pleased with me watching it. Now I had figured that every male watches porn at one time or another that it's not a big deal.

Well She got highly upset about what I was viewing and she let me know of this displeasure. Now knowing it upset her, I stopped visiting websites. I have asked her from time to time to watch some with me and the subject quickly gets changed. We have watched a couple of videos a few time, not big deal, well that was until last night/this evening. We were sitting in the front room and both playing our video game. I flipped threw the channels and come across Skinaporn on Cinemax, so I stop at the channel.

After a few minutes, she mentions to me that she finds this very distracting (or that's what I heard her say, she said she finds it distrubing), so I flip the channel over to Grease 2 and go on my way playing WoW, later I flip the Cinemax show back on, I had forgotten where it was previously and just hit last. I'm in the middle of a fight, so I don't really pay attention to what's on the tv (Thinking back, I should have never changed the channel in the middle of playing a game.) Well things on the TV get heated and I look up and quickly change it because I had forgotten.

Now about 2 weeks ago, She had gone to the bathroom and while she was in there, I had flipped on Cineporn and she was yelling from the bathroom what was I watching, from the moaning and all she knew what I had on. Thinking back to that night, I figure that watching it together wouldn't be a big deal, so I flip it back a couple more times (She says I did it a total of 5, I'm not sure if it was that much) Well then she proceeds to tell me that I'm disrespectful, that I've hurt her feelings and that I don't care about her.

I had no intention for this to happen, Here I thought we were just playing around, putting it on to show her I was interested. Yes I know not the best reason to put it on, but I thought cause we had it on a week ago and was joking that we'd be ok. Well this causes a great big fight and trust me when I say things have been shaky the last few days. Well now I'm the bad guy and she says we're done.

Well now I feel horrible, it was not my intention to make her feel bad about having it on, I was joking around and having a little tongue in cheek humor. I now know that I over stepped my boundaries, but I guess we're done and now I'm sleeping in the attic, with no air or fan. Guess I deserve this one and now she's saying that this what her ex husband did to her. I think that she is the most beautiful woman in the world and her nickname is beautiful and now I've hurt her so bad she wants it over.

Twitter

2009-07-15T21:10:00.001-04:00

We know how well I do with updates on this blog, so well I felt the need to set up a twitter account.

You can follow me

https://twitter.com/LesMac48185

Confused

2009-07-02T09:28:00.003-04:00

It's been quite awhile since I've actually sat down and blogged. Some of it has been out of sheer lack of time and some of it has been out of sure fear.

What do I have to fear you may ask? That I'm not sure. Once again I feel like I'm in a state of mind that has me confused and honestly I'm really trying to figure it out. Why do people find it such a shock that I am with a woman that had 5 kids before I met her (All by the same father) and even more shocked when I mentioned that we had a child together. Sure it's not the most conventional situation, but damn it I'm not the conventional type. I do what will make me happy. There's nothing to be surprised about.

Seems like things with our living arrangement are in flux. Our landlord decided that he didn't want to rent houses any longer and is putting the house we live in up for sale. That means a mad scramble for another house. We had something lined up, but the protential landlord after telling us that we were in, backed out on the deal saying and I quote "There a just to many people". I've never felt discriminated against before but do now.

I'm not so sure that Caron is happy with our situation either. I've looked over some of the old pictures she's had with her ex and the boyfriend before me and I just see a happier person. Maybe I'm looking to much into that. Doesn't help that my previous relationship was with a controling piece of trash that didn't want me touching her without permission and now I'm so hesitant to touch Caron that I think it's causing problems.

Like I said I'm just confused and need to get past some things I guess.

Political Compass (WSOW)

2009-07-01T10:14:00.002-04:00

Political Compass test website

Interesting little website.

Your political compass
Economic Left/Right: -7.75
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.28

Is where I'm at on the scale

right in line with Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, and The Dali Lama

A to Z

2009-06-24T09:26:00.003-04:00

A - An advantage that you have: I know about computers.

B - Blue or brown eyes: I have brown eyes

C - Chore you hate: Mowing the lawn

D - Dad's name: James/Jim

E - Essential start of your day: opening my eyes

F - Favorite color: I have a lot of colors I like. Black and Blue go well together

G - Greatest thing you've ever done that made you feel really good: Becoming a dad

H - Habit you have: that World of Warcraft bug has bitten me again.

I - Issue you hate that the world tries to make you pursue: Religion (not that I hate it, I just think everyone should believe what they way. I mean we aren't all going to be right in the end)

J - Job title: Field Service Technician

K - Khols or Target: Neither

L - Living arrangements: I'm living I guess.

M - Music you like: I do like it yes. I don't cookie cut myself into a certain genre

N - Nicknames: Red, Les, Babycakies

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Other than with Caron, I haven't had to stay

P - Pet Peeve: User who claim they did nothing to the computer. Listen, either you tell me and I get it done in 5 minutes or you don't and I have to spend hours figuring it out. Your call

Q - Quote that you like most: Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive -- the risk to be alive and express what we really are- Don Miguel Ruiz:

R - Right or left handed: I'm a righty

S - Siblings: 2 brothers 2 Sisters

T - Time you wake up: To early

U - Underwear: Sure I have underwear

V - Vegetable you dislike: Bussell Sprouts

W - What makes you run late: Procrastination. (I like Nigel's answer)

X-rays you've had: Um, I've had some. Hand, head, foot, chest. I was a very active boy growing up. What do you expect (though I've never broken anything knock on wood)

Y - Yummy food you make: I make a mean Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich as well as a mean Grill Cheese

Z- Zoo Animal: The Penguins are pretty cool.

Who's to blame?

2009-05-28T12:01:00.003-04:00

A lot can be said about the ever sliding economy in Michigan, the Metro Detroit area being the area that effects me. Who is to blame? I blame the people that have put all our eggs in the Auto Industry basket in hopes that it would keep this area booming. No offense to the Auto Industry, the UAW mainly, but keeping the drunken idiots in the plants while hard working men and women would kill for a job just baffles me. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the auto workers are good hard working individuals, but you still have the occassional lazy, drunken, drug addict that stumbles into work barely able to stand that puts good honest men and women in harms way.

Another problem is the city of Detroit or what I call the city of You owe us something. Have you driven around this city? I have the privledge of working for the Detroit Public Schools and yes they're all screwed up to, but I can say Robert Bobb is going to do good things. I drive from school to school and see the decay that is Detroit. Burnt down buildings, abandoned fields, building they are trying to call historical landmarks and keep up for no other purpose than to keep them up (The old Train Station and Tiger Stadium are prime examples). Then the city has a city council that expects the suburbs to just hand them stuff with no strings attached. Cobo Hall is in shambles and you're fighting over a regional committee running it. You obviously didn't do that great of a job running it so why not give it to a regional committee that might get it back on track. you have a city council member that whenever she speaks comes across as unintelligent. Saying that black people can't be racist and calling the council president Shrek.

Don't even get me started on the former Mayors. Young and Kilpatrick ran this city into the ground and the people of Detroit ran Archer out. The man was responsible for some great things that Kilpatrick took credit for. Not so sure what to think of Bing, I guess we'll see with time. It just seemst that the City wants to put up a wall around it and keep everyone "not like them" out but they still want us to give them everything.

So who's to blame? A lot of people are to blame for Michigan's current state.

Conficker among other things

2009-05-20T11:54:00.007-04:00

Haven't really updated the website in awhile. Life is just going buy yet again. I had posted before about my job and that I was probably going to leave after they asked me to take a pay cut. I just couldn't bring myself to do that, so I'm still there and working hard. Since the beginning of April Detroit Public Schools has been fighting the conficker virus. I was stuck at the main offices for about a month, but now I'm out at the schools. Caron has been released from the hospital and is back home, semi healthy. She has to have her wound packed twice a day.

Claire is doing wonderful and I will get pictures up here sooner or later. The kids are going to school and getting excited about the end of the school year. I'm still not sure how much longer my contract is going to last at DPS, as I may be off when the Summer hits, which may be nice.

Lots of thing going on in my head, but right now I'm reverting back to the keeping things to myself instead of blogging about it. Maybe I just need to put it down on cyberpaper and be done with it.

Home away from home

2009-05-13T01:03:00.002-04:00

Here I sit at 1:00 am at my home away from home. Caron is back in the hospital with something. The doctors are still up in the air about what it is the problem. She's been in since Saturday night/Sunday Morning and there is no time frame when she'll be done in sight.

It's a shame because it's been over a month since I've actually got to lay next to her in bed, with Claire being born 3 weeks ago. Then there's the whole not seeing the kids the last few nights (they are staying with Caron's sister)

Swine Flu?

2009-05-06T08:24:00.003-04:00

What has the world come to? In my area the schools are closing down because of cases that MIGHT be the swine flu. So you're not even sure it's the Swine Flu and you're closing down schools?

Also what is the panic? I understand for the elderly, the very young and those with a subjective immune system that this flu could cause problems, as any flu can do to these people but come on people so it's another strand of the flu. Hell the regular flu has caused my deaths than the swine flu. Yet here we are in a panic.

Sometime people are a bunch of alarmists that panic at the slightest problem.

Changes

2009-05-04T16:19:00.003-04:00

There are changes coming to the layout and look of this blog. You can see some of them as we speak as I tweak my labels. So pardon the dust while we remodel. Yes I'm still open while remodel.

5/1 Quote of the Week

2009-05-01T09:14:00.009-04:00

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.
-- Elbert Hubbard

Website Wednesday 4/29/2009

2009-04-29T07:54:00.007-04:00

Yes it's back. Website Wednesday. Not going to blow smoke up anyone's ass or am I going to start saying I'm going to blog more. Blah blah blah. I'm going to blog when I fee I have something to say. Might be every day, might be every couple days.

Any way, The website for Wednesday April 28th is one I stumbled across on one of the blogs I infrequent ( I visit pretty regularly when I read blogs) it's called String of with Diligence.

Anyway the site is www.ted.com

It's a pretty cool site with lectures and other things that may start making it's way on this blog.

Tired

2009-04-29T07:45:00.003-04:00

Who knew that a little one could keep me up at all hours of the night. Trust me I am not complaining at all. For those interested Claire (and Mom) are doing wonderful and she is a little cutie. I'll have to get some pictures up here so everyone can see them.

The night before....

2009-04-19T21:42:00.003-04:00

Well it's the the night before. I have to be at U of M Hospital at 7:30am and Claire should be making her grand entrance around 8:30 am, I suppose. Everyone keeps asking if I am excited. I am excited among other things. Trust me this is something I had always wanted, something I dreamed of for as long as I can remember. However there are so many other things going through my head.

I never thought I'd being having a child unmarried. I'm sure that may come as a shock I mean after the horrible ending of the marriage I was just in, hell people probably expect me to be bitter about marriage,but I'm not.

I'm afraid that I'm not going to be a good dad. Sure many may think that's a weird thing, but it's a fear. I know my dad did what he thought was best. He did the best he could do, but there are so many holes in that relationship, I just don't want that. What do I know about being a dad? Nothing really, but does anyone the first time out?

So yes I'm excited, I'm excited I have met someone that feels I'm worthy of having a child with, I'm excited that I have helped bring someone into this world. Still doesn't change the fact that I'm scared, worried, nervous, and confused.

There's no turning back now and to be honest I don't want to turn back I'm ready to move forward. Just hope others are as well.

Update part duex

2009-04-13T00:05:00.001-04:00

Yes its Midnight the night before a work night and here I sit blogging.

This blog has to do with the ex.

Well first rumor coming down the pipe is that my ex is spreading nice rumors aboot me. I guess unbeknowest to me I gotbusted for sleeping with prostitutes and that she had to bail me out of jail, yet somehow I've been able to get two government jobs where I had to pass background checks.

Even funnier is my brother invited my ex to his wedding and told me that if anything happened that Caron and another myself would be asked to leave. Well nothing happened really. See her "date" wound up flirting with the bridesmaids, taking off his dress shirt and walking around the reception in a wifebeater. really class act.

Oh I guess my ex is sueing me because I took the snowblower that wasn't in the divorce decree. She's telling everyone that I didn't show up for court..however I never got any paperwork or anything about a court date...guess you can sue people without them kn.owing about it. who knew

Update #1- Baby Claire update

2009-04-08T10:39:00.001-04:00

I promised updates and by god I am going to supply them. Figure I'll start out with a good one. Baby update.

Not sure if I've let the name leak as of yet. However we have decided on Claire Abigal.

That being said she will be making her appearance on Monday April 20th. Yeah less than two weeks away.

Updates are coming.....

2009-03-31T09:56:00.002-04:00

Life has been hectic but don't fret, I'll have a few updates here soon. My brothers wedding (That was interesting), news about baby claire, and more. Stay tuned.

What the ....................

2009-03-20T13:25:00.005-04:00

Got a call today from my current employer telling me I'd need to take a 15% pay cut to do my job. Now if I was making a little bit more than I'm making, I'd have no problem. However that is not the case. Sure with the economy I should have just signed it, but seriously, my pay check pays my rent with a pay cut I can't pay the rent. I guess it's a tough choice that I have to make but I'm standing behind it. Makes a baby coming all the more stressful. Some days I hate my life. I really do.

Ugh....

2009-03-17T07:35:00.002-04:00

Waking to sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape

I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up...
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is
Wrong with me!

I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared
I hyperventalate.
Looking for hope somehow somewhere
And noone cares

I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up...
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is
Wrong with me!

GOD!

Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my...
Put me out of my fucking misery!

I've given up...
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is
Wrong with me!

Inner struggles

2009-03-04T00:28:00.002-05:00

why is it I choose to fight my inner demons? Why do I continue to put myself through the pain? Is the time for fighting over is it time to not only grab thoose fears but also time to embrace them?

It seems as if that maybe the true me. The me I have hidden not only from others but from myself? Who knows and who cares? Do I really dislike the person I am or the person I want to become?

What to believe..

2009-02-27T23:28:00.001-05:00

What to believe? Who knows anymore..

Emotions...

2009-02-26T17:39:00.004-05:00

I've probably admitted in this very blog that I let my emotions run and I let them show. Call it a flaw, call it a quality, call it what you will. Some days it down right sucks. Some days I hate feeling the way I do and I hate feeling duped. What is one to do?

True Lies

2009-02-25T19:07:00.002-05:00

We all have things from our past that we aren't proud of. I however refuse to lie or try to keep those things from others as it is part of who I am. Sad thing is sooner or later those lies are going to catch up to you. Why risk hurting someone later to try and cover it up now? I know now that going to North Carolina was a big mistake, but it is part of me.

Lost

2009-02-19T23:03:00.001-05:00

No not the television show..though it is a very good show. Right now I feel lost. I feel that my best isn't good enough and that I am letting people important to me down.

1/30 Friday Quote of the Week

2009-01-30T12:34:00.002-05:00

Yep..last one was 12/5. Great job with quote of the week from me. *pats back* anyway here's one for today.

Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you

MCSE..in 6 Months? Bullshit.

2009-01-30T11:13:00.004-05:00

Ah, Actually taking the blog to a technoloy blog. I live in the Metro Detroit Area (kind of) and listening to Dominski and Doyle on the drive into work most mornings, I've heard a commerical for getting your MCSE in 6 months. Let me say firstly being a MCSE holder of the NT 4.0 Track. MCSE isn't a guarantee to a secure job and getting your MCSE in 6 months and expecting anything more than a low level job is a joke. Most business want computer people with experiance, not someone that runs out and reads a book and gets their MCSE in 6 months. I studied for my MCSE on my own and it took me well over a year to understand it. Also realize when you go to these schools that they don't inform you that you have to pay for your own MCSE testing. now the MCSE for 2003 is 7 tests and these tests are $125.00 a pop.

I'm not saying don't get your MCSE, as people will hire you if you have it. I'm saying don't go to one of these schools, drop 5 grand so you can use their equipment and then still have to pay for your tests. Go out and buy the books (You can get the core 4 for about $150.00 and each elective book is about $50.00 which you'll have to buy when you go the school) and do some self study or go to your local community college/university and take the classes there where you can put the credits towards a degree.

I guess I'm just warning about these technical schools that offer this great deal. Trust you me, they are charging you to much and promising you the world when in reality. You'll have your certification and still have problems looking for a job.

Coming or going?

2009-01-29T09:16:00.005-05:00

Right now I don't know if I'm coming or going. It's one of those things. Do I know I have flaws? Hell yes I have flaws. I have BIG flaws. Does this make me a bad person? I guess to some it might. Sure I can work on those flaws, but they can't be fixed yesterday I'm sorry I don't work like that. Yes things from my past are going to jump up and bite me in the ass at times. I've said it in the past, Life just isn't fair and you know what I accept that cause hell if it were fair, then it would make it to easy. Right now I'm in what I'd call one of my dark places in my head and I'll struggle like I always do, but I know it won't keep me down, I won't let it. It's time to take on the some of my old attitudes. I can't control anyone but myself, I am not a bad person and just let whatever happens, happen. If I hurt you, then I am sorry never was my intention.

When family attacks..

2009-01-14T10:02:00.004-05:00

My baby brother is getting married in March. I was asked to stand up and I've talked about her being invited to my brothers wedding. Well now my brother's fiancéé has removed Caron, my fiancéé as a friend on facebook and has pretty much taken my ex's side on things. Never once have either came to me to ask if what was said is true. Now I'm stuck in the dilema of if I even want to go or not. I don't want or need the drama, Caron doesn't need to the stress as she'll be eight and a half months pregnant.

Well I guess my brother made another bone head move and decided not to invite one of my uncles. This has caused more family drama and now it seems as if my Aunts and Uncles on my mother's side are not showing up to the wedding. The sad thing is this is just so not like my brother, I guess love will make you do some strange things.

Website of the week...

2009-01-08T16:02:00.004-05:00

Figure I'll start a website of the week. (Ok, you know with me it won't be every week, but still)

Do you have a website that you really visit, but the name may be hard to remember or the URL is bizarre and you can't remember it so you book mark it. Then you head to a friends house and you tell them you should really check out this cool site and he says cool show me and you're like. Um. Damn I can't remember the URL. Well have no fear, check out ikeepbookmarks.

I Keep Bookmarks

You can even make your account viewable by others

My Bookmarks

Out with the old in with the....

2009-01-05T09:09:00.003-05:00

It's been about a week or so since my last post. It's a new year and it's suppose to be out with the old and in with the new, right? RIGHT? Sometimes I step on myself I guess and sometimes I do things I'm not proud of. Yeah new year same shit, Wonderful. I guess I'll never learn and maybe for that I deserve nothing but pain and punishment?

The Ex strikes again

2008-12-29T09:34:00.003-05:00

Well it seems that my brother has decided to invite my ex Wife to his wedding. Which to many isn't probably a issue, however this woman has spread so many lies about me it isn't funny. The sad thing about this is my brother wasn't the one who told me that she was coming it was my mother and my sisters. Also piled on to this fact is that they told me my brother said that if any problems happen that Caron and I will be asked to leave. Which pretty much means he's given her permission to come to the wedding and cause issues. Just when you think things are behind you, you get slapped back into reality.

2008-12-29T09:21:00.007-05:00

Once they lost last week to the New Orleans Saints, I knew the Lions were destinied to finish the season 0-16 and become the first team in NFL history to finish a season with that record. The sad thing is William Clay Ford Sr has learned nothing in the process of this season. He was smart in firing Matt Millen, but now he's going to bring back Martin Mayhew (Who was Millen's second in command) and bring back Tom Lewand as President, who has no football knowledge what so ever.

Word has come down that Lions head coach, Rod Marinelli, has been fired and so he should be. He went 0-16 and was a abismal 10-38 in his tenure as Lions head coach.

It's a Girl Part Duex

2008-12-19T15:20:00.001-05:00

Here are the pictures I promised

It's a girl...

2008-12-17T15:17:00.004-05:00

Found out on Monday that I'll be having a little baby girl. To say I'm tickled pinks is an understatement, as I'm very VERY excited. Guess I'm just having those thoughts most expantant parents get. Will I be a good father, will I raise her right, do I get to stop her from dating until she gets married and moves out of the house? Simple little questions. I'll post some pictures when I get them scanned.

Getting the itch...

2008-12-17T11:57:00.008-05:00

As old readers may know, I was a big player of World of Warcraft. I played my way all the way up to a level 70 Night Elf Rogue. I had a few other characters in there and for the most part I enjoyed it. I starting playing the game for the sheer fun of playing the game.

I never put much time in the game in the beginning. An hour here and hour there. I just did it to pass mainly dead time. Then things happened; the divorce and meeting someone in the game that played too and WoW became my escape. I'd play whenever I got the chance. It took me out of reality and into a world I could kind of dictate.

I'm getting the itch to play the game again, but I sold my account. I'm probably better off selling my account cause I don't want to relevel and trust me this has nothing to do with wanting to escape reality (At the very least I don't think so) Just miss the fun I had running around learning new things and working on leveling.

I don't see myself going back to the game. Guess just at this time of year and reflecting on what I was doing a year ago, it made me think about the game and some of the fun I had levling up my Rogue.

Wish it weren't so...

2008-12-17T11:50:00.003-05:00

Yeah I'm falling into that not blogging thing again. It's been a few days and I missed last Friday's quote. Things have been super busy with me the last week and I just haven't had the time to blog, Yes I know excuses excuses. Hell seeing that I can blog from my phone what is stopping me right? Yet I digress.

Anyway I'm going to start working on doing some things to make me blog a little more often. With that I say I'll be right back.

Never understood

2008-12-12T00:22:00.003-05:00

I'm just curious about something? Why do people lie? In the long run does it really help you get things? Just be honest with me and all is well, but damn it sucks finding out that something you said wasn't true. It actually sucks when you find out that someone you trust is lying to you.

Can a swoosh sound any better?

2008-12-12T00:15:00.004-05:00

Stayed at the hospital for the last few nights and can I say it's been rather chaoatic. However tonight I got a great thing. The OB Resident came in to check on baby blob and I got to hear the heart swoosh. Not a better sound in the world.

Back at the Hospital

2008-12-09T20:46:00.003-05:00

two months later and I'm back at U of M hospital. this time its the fiancee with the staff infection on her buttocks.

Stellar Customer Service

2008-12-07T23:47:00.005-05:00

Well it seems that the British government has interjected and has removed some advertisements from the UK Television because Apple wasn't true about their advertisements of the iPhone.

It seems that Apple claimed that the iPhone surfed the internet faster (which it doesn't) and that it could browse all the web (Doesn't support all Java). Well it seems a man (a disgruntled iPhone User) filed a lawsuit against iPhone, and what was Apple's rebuttal to this?

They claimed that anyone that believed their ads to be fools. So let me get this straight? You claim that your product can do something that it can't and if we believe what you advertise, we're the fool. Great way to treat a customer.

12-5 Friday Quote

2008-12-05T13:03:00.003-05:00

Figured I'd start doing a Friday quote each Friday. So with out further ado...

Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person.

Nothing like the Present

2008-12-05T12:51:00.003-05:00

I'm talking Christmas presents. I've always been what I consider a late Christmas shopper, usually I don't see my family until after Christmas and I have been known to not do my shopping for their presents until AFTER the holiday. That beng said, I know what I want to buy Caron. I have it all in my head. Nothing elaborate, but a couple things I know she'll like. Just now I have to come up with some cash to do that.

On the Job, Monster Temporary Internet Files folder..

2008-12-04T12:46:00.005-05:00

We're doing an Active Directory Migration at the job I am currently at. The other day I ran into a user that had used up 35.8 GB of her 36 GB Harddrive. Granted that's pretty much filled. In the process of doing the migration we need to create a new user profile on the machine and to do this we need to copy the data from their old profile to the new profile. Now this is not possible when you have 200 mega bytes available and the user has over 10gb profile.

Well I talk to the user and tell her she needs to clean up her hard drive. (She had MP3's and games galore on her machine) Well yesterday I went back and she told me she had everything cleaned up, so I decide to sit down at the computer and do the migration. I check the hard drive. 35.3 gb used. She was able to remove 500 megabytes. Thanks for the clean up. I'm not one to mess around with, so what do I do? I clean up her machine. Gone are the games and gone are the MP3's. Tha that freed up about 1.5 gb, but still there's issues. I start going through her files in her profile and come to find out that her temporary internet files folder is HUGE. So I decide I'll delete everything. Now grated at this time her harddrive was at about 34.5 GB being used. So I start deleting her temp internet files and walk away cause it's going to be awhile.

Make it back to the users desk after about an hour and a half and she says great timing it just finished. I was like it just finished, OK that's strange. Anyway I sit down at the PC and check her c: drive. She is not at 8.5 gb used. So her Temporary Internet Folder was over 28 GB full. Now that's a lot of web surfing.

iFail

2008-12-04T11:04:00.005-05:00

Wow, It's been a year, well just about. In about two weeks will be the day that I got the whole official I think we should get a divorce comment from my ex. I've gone through a lot in the last twelve months and with all the ups and downs, right now I know I'm in a better place, but yet I still feel as if I failed.

Things in the present are just piling onto this and really just getting back to work a little over a month ago after being let go from Oakland County in February, has actually helped. However it's that catching up with the bills thing that's killing me. I'm so far in debt that I'm probably going to have to get a second job and maybe a third if that's possible. Nothing like working yourself into the ground, but dammit people are counting on me.

Not everything has been bad the last twelve months. I've learned my lessons and I've found someone that loves me very much and wants to be with me and is giving me the ultimate gift, but still I do and say more things to fuck that up than I need to. Honestly, I don't know why she puts up with me as I know I stick my foot in my mouth far more than I need to.

Life right now is getting back on track, but I need to buckle in and take the wheel before I fuck myself over to badly with this debt. Anyone know a place that could use a top notch IT person? Maybe a few hours at night? Just till I can get my life in order. Hey maybe I'll pick up one of them there paper routes? LoL

What am I thankful for....

2008-11-29T23:05:00.003-05:00

Sure Thanksgiving has come and gone and I really wanted to get down to the nitty gritty and write a blob about what it is I am thankful for. It's just less than an hour from Sunday and I'm sitting here finally sitting down to write the blog. Most of it has to do with time, but some of it has to do with me really figuring it out. So the question is, What am I thankful for?

There are many things that I'm thankful for, but here's the big things.

1) Health- I'm thankful that I'm in good health and am alive. I don't have any major issues in my life from a health stand point (knock on wood) and god knows that's good, cause I am without the health insurance right now.

2) Friends- I've lost a few friends over the last year. Some that I have known for many a moon and some that were new. Those friends only seemed to want to be my friend when it benefited them. Good riddance to people like that. I still have a few friends that are there for me and I thank them for that and I hope that they feel they can lean on me when they need it. Hey I'm always open to making new friends.

3) Family- Yes a subject that a year ago you wouldn't hear me put on my list. Now I've kind of got a family of my own. 5 kids, a fiancee that cares about me, what more could a man ask for? Sure there's tough times as there are with any relationship, but they showed me that family is important.

4) Job- I went most of the year without a job. I was laid off in February and finally got back to work at the beginning of the November. I'm ecstatic to be back and working and I hope that this is a job for the long haul.

There's more to be thankful for, but that's the prime points

A strange new world..

2008-11-26T11:44:00.004-05:00

With the holidays here (Thanksgiving is tomorrow duh) and Christmas right around the corner I've come to realize something. With the divorce stuff done and over with and the new "Family". I've come to realize that for once in a very long time, I'm actually looking forward to Christmas. Shhhhh!!! Don't tell anyone. I usually play the bah hum bug role rather well this time of the year, but there's something about seeing little children getting excited about this time of the year. I guess maybe part of me grew up or grew in a different direction, I actually may be looking forward to the holidays. Guess it's different when you see it through a childs eyes?

The Waiting game....

2008-11-26T09:02:00.003-05:00

With the not so recent move to the west side, I finally broke down and opened a bank account out on this side of town. It's only been what 4 months, so I think it was time. Now I'm just waiting for the funds to actually become available to me. I got a nice chunk of change sitting in my account, yet none of it is available. Hopefully soon, as I have bills to pay and (stepish) kids to feed.

Mindless Babble

2008-11-25T12:34:00.004-05:00

Some times when you don't really have much to blog about, it's best to just throw random shit out there.

1. The new job has been going fairly well, still to much sitting around waiting for someone to give me some work. Hate not having access to the buildings, because hey you can't have a badge till you get your finger prints and now that I've done that no one knows when I'll get the badge.

2. Looks like the Lions may actually pull off the perfect season. Well the pefect losing season. They lack focus, talent, and all the coach is doing is standing up there begging to be fired. Let the man go down with the ship.

3. Anyone catch the mess up by Sarah Palin? Pardon a turkey while one in the background is being slaughtered. Oops. As David Letter man said. She can see Russia, but not what's going on behind her 5 feet away.

4. Having a baby (ok, I'm not having the baby) is stressful. Good thing I don't have to carry it and go into labor and all that jazz. Still it's pretty damn cool.

5. Part of me misses playing World of Warcraft, the other part wants to kick that part of me's ass. Game was a waste of 15.95 evert month along with the time spent building a character, probably best I sold the account, cause I don't have the time to start from scratch on a new character.

6. I really REALLY need to get my direct deposit set up.

7. That's all folks

Blogging from the my phone?

2008-11-21T13:44:00.005-05:00

This could change my blog. If it works

The Plan

2008-11-21T13:17:00.004-05:00

The other day I was talking with a friend and he mentioned something about going to plan b. I have never lived my life with a plan. I have always gone with the flow and done things as they have come. I had always been one to live by the seat of my pants. However when kids are involved, you learn quickly that flying by the seat of my pants isn't always cracked up like it's suppose to be. Nice I just got to get in the mindset of getting my life a little organized. I don't want to lose all my spontaneity but I know now that I can't always rush blindly into things. Hell, people are counting on me.

A recant...

2008-11-12T07:29:00.004-05:00

In my blog posting My Kryptonite I made a statement that I can't do everything and I've had a few people ask about this and I want to state, that I do not do everything, but I do try to. It's part of that codependant in me, which I need to put to bed. To those that got the wrong idea about that, shame on you for reading to much into it.

Sticks and Stones...

2008-11-10T13:47:00.001-05:00

Who ever came up with the saying Sticks and Stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me, obviously didn't have someone that he/she cared about use words against them.

Let's just say that sometimes the things that people you care about say about you/to you can cut pretty deep.

I voted

2008-11-04T22:03:00.003-05:00

Did you?

No I won't tell you who I voted for..well if you ask nicely maybe.

Day 2....(on Day 3, Go figure)

2008-11-04T09:41:00.006-05:00

Yeah I'm doing this on day 3, cause I'm sitting around the office kind of going, blah blah blah and forgot to do it yesterday.

Things where pretty uneventful as all I did was reimage pc's. It's a pretty mind numbing experience let me tell you. Put CD in CD Rom, Reboot PC, let CD run image and rinse and repeat.

Hopefully they get this background check/finger printing done before I go insane

Laziness

2008-11-04T09:38:00.003-05:00

You know, I could make this blog look oh so much cooler/neater/spiffy/insert your word here. I know HTML coding and I've always prided myself on being a web guy. Heck with all the free time I get at work, maybe I'll look into making my web home a little better place? Or I could just continue to be lazy? :)

Happy Halloween...

2008-10-31T22:49:00.004-04:00

Hope everyone had a safe and happy Halloween and please don't call it anything other than Halloween, like happy harvest. The world has become far to Politically Correct and all this changing things for everyone thing is to much. It's Easter, It's Christmas, It's Halloween. Get over yourself for goodness sake.

My Kryptonite..

2008-10-31T22:42:00.004-04:00

Well last night I've come to the conclusion that I am not superman, that I can't take on the world and I can't commit myself to doing everything in a relationship. It just makes me feel used and unappreciated. As much as I want to make my fiance happy, I can't keep doing everything for her cause of how it makes me feel. Now I just have to hope she understands why I can't take on the entire load, I guess time will tell.

Day One..The Beginning

2008-10-31T22:33:00.003-04:00

Today was the start of a new job. Yeah staring on a friday and on Halloween was a bit bizarre, I actually thought if I should dress up or not, but didn't think that would be the right first impression. For the most part the day was pretty uneventful, just sat around and watched as my new coworker showed me how to do some of the stuff. Funny thing is I was able to get a couple of the problems that he had resolved with out batting an eye. I'll be interested to see how things go, as most of the stuff they are showing me is kind of refresher, but I have to get my fingerprints done before I can venture out on my own. Guess they're worried I'm going to commit a crime or something.

When it rains it pours, A positive I think

2008-10-27T16:34:00.003-04:00

Well today I get a call from a company and they have a client that wants me to start Wednesday or Thursday. It's suppose to be a short term position lasting about 2 months and will be working for Detroit Public Schools. I'd be working indirectly for Unisys and this could lead to me getting into very good company on a more permanent position, possibly.

The dilemma is now I had another company call this afternoon that I interviewed with before. The one where the HR person fell in love with me and the lead tech who said I wasn't "technical" enough. The HR person wants me to take on running cables to show then that I'm technical. There's no guarantee that they'll keep me after the two weeks but the opportunity would be better.

The question now is which path do I take? Both start out paying the same but one pays way more in the long run, but that's the one that isn't guaranteed after 2 weeks

Running on empty

2008-10-24T22:22:00.003-04:00

This morning, I had the unfortunate pleasure of realizing when the gas tank is past the E that it's time to put gas in the van. Another life experience I guess, but hey I got a bright new shiny gas can for $7.00 at the local gas station (about half to three quarters of a mile away.)

Give and Take

2008-10-24T22:20:00.002-04:00

Life is about give and take. However sometimes, it just feels like you give way more than you take.

Missed movies

2008-10-23T13:22:00.004-04:00

On my way to pick up lunch today, I thought about some of the movies I haven't seen that many in the world would be surprised I haven't and some of the movies that I've seen that I didn't think were to hot that some people loved.

Movies I've missed seeing
1. All the Godfather movies
2. Braveheart
3. Schindler's List
4. E.T.
5. 300
6. Dances with Wolves
7. Saving Private Ryan
8. Platoon
9. Lord of the Rings (the Final 2)
10. Gladiator

Movies I've seen that I didn't like and others did
1. Fight Club
2. Star Wars Clone Wars
3. Pulp Fiction
4. Tootsie
5. Wizard of Oz
6. The Ring
7. Clerks (was good, not as good as some make it out though)
8. American Beauty
9. Back to the Future
10. Casino

I'm sure there's more but that's what I came up with

Football report of sorts....

2008-10-19T21:50:00.006-04:00

For those Lions fans left out there (and I know there are some of you out there) the Lions again lost putting their record at goose egg and six, That's right 0-6. This was one of the best chances the Lions had this season to get a win, but once again they went down 21-0 (yeah I flipped the game on for a moment). There is a silver lining in this though, the Trade. Yes I know I didn't blog about it but the Lions made a blockbuster deal last week. They traded disgruntled WR, Roy Williams, to the Dallas Cowboys for a 1st, 3rd and 6th round pick. Sure they had to toss in a 7th round pick, but the team has got potential to actually do something. Now if only they get someone who knows something in the front office.

The Michigan Wolverines lost over the weekend too. A once great football program has fallen on hard times. With a 2-5 record, this is the worst start since sometime before I was born. They say Rich Rod is the coach that will take Michigan to the next level, at this time I'm not so sure, I guess time will tell. I'm not calling for his head

Uncertainty.....

2008-10-16T21:40:00.004-04:00

I hate not knowing. I told all I had a job interview last week. It's for a pretty good job. Would be installing and working on wireless in the Ann Arbor area. I talked to the HR person, who had no desire to talk tech with me, so I had to wait till today to talk to the Lead Tech. Had lunch at a Bennigan's today with him and another tech. Was nice to actually talk some tech talk with them. The company is actually a pretty small company based out of Georgia and North Carolina (yeah don't get me started there) and they told me they have a total of 17 employees and it sounds like I'd be like the man here in Ann Arbor/Fort Wayne Indiana. That could be very very cool.

Memories...

2008-10-12T21:54:00.003-04:00

Things the last week have been quite blah and tomorrow is the day that has been bothering me. Tomorrow would have been my 13 year anniversary. Now don't get me wrong, I don't don't want to go back to that life. I know that I'm better off as now I am my own man and I'm doing what I want to do. However there's that thought in the back of my head. That thought of knowing that over 13 years of my life I was trying to do what another person wanted me to do. I can't do that to myself again.

Close..very close

2008-10-12T21:46:00.005-04:00

Didn't watch the game as I've become less and less caring of how the Lions do this season, but at this point I really want them to get to that 0-16 record. I checked the score online and at one point they actually had a lead of 3-2 and then again at 10-2, but thankfully they were able snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Good job Lions

Aging Meme

2008-10-09T21:19:00.004-04:00

My good friend posted this a little while back, figured I'd do it now.

At a certain age women should No clue

At a certain age men should accept the fact that we're not perfect.

When I was a kid I thought I could do anything and I can if I put my mind to it.

Now that I'm older I remember the good times and the bad

You know you are too old to skateboard when You're never to old to skateboard.

You know you are too young to _____when ...Care?

When i was in high school I listened to the music of a lot of bands, Mostly Hair bands

Nowadays I find I like the music of pretty much anything, yep even the hair bands

On my last birthday I spent it with people that love me, at UofM Hospital

On my next birthday I want to not be afriad.

The best birthday present I ever got was a hug and kiss from the one I love

The first time I felt grown up was when I got my drivers license

The last time I felt like a kid was when I went through the haunted house at Cedar Point

When I read The Nation for the first time never read it

Last year was a year filled with emotions

Next year I hope to get things right and move on with my life

Does it really matter?

2008-10-07T19:06:00.003-04:00

I know I said I don't talk religion or politics with people as most of the time it just causes a fight because people have a tendency to take their beliefs to the grave, but I'll break that rule here.

Does it really matter what the voting public wants in this election? Look at the last election, the man that the majority of americans voted for didn't win the election. Yes you read that right. Kerry was the popular vote (as close as it was) and Bush still won. Right now, I'm not really sure who I'm voting for and I'm still reading and doing my research. I refuse to go with what the "popular" vote is just to be a sheep. Honestly, I have to vote for the lesser of the two evils. Just have to figure out which of the two that is.

Now that Millen is gone

2008-10-06T22:38:00.004-04:00

What are the Lions going to do? Some would call for Marinelli head on a platter, but really who on the staff is going to take over? There is no one on that staff that could run this team. However I'm not sure Marinelli can either.

Right now he's got to come to the conclusion that he's got to start playing the younger talent and see what this team has. I mean really the veterans aren't doing much and it's time to make a change.

The only thing that is good about this is the Lions could do something no other team has done. Go 0-16 in one season, we were close in 2001 going 2-14, but come on Lions it's going to take some dedication.

The Little Princess

2008-10-06T22:13:00.002-04:00

Is home safe and sound. She seems to be doing much better and is high spirits. It's also nice to have Caron back home, kind of missed having her around since Friday.

B Day

2008-10-05T23:03:00.003-04:00

Today was my 36th Birthday and also the 6 month anniversary of the moment I met Caron. It was spent at University of Michigan Hospital, yet not the ideal place to celebrate these things, but the little princess was still in the hospital with her staff infection. I was surrounded by people that love me, so I couldn't ask for more.

In other news, I have a job interview in the morning

How do other bloggers

2008-10-05T00:52:00.003-04:00

Keep track of who's visiting your site? I've tried Google's Analystics and I'm not really impressed. If any bloggers read this site, pass on the info

Day at the hospital

2008-10-04T23:41:00.003-04:00

One of the little ones has a staff infection and has been sick for the last few days. Yesterday Caron took her to U of M hospital emergency because she was running a temperature and being rather fussy. Well the little one wound up spending the night in hospital last night and is there again tonight. I took the rest of the kids and spent most of the day up visiting with Caron and the princess. She seemed in much better spirits today and there's a possibility that she can go home tomorrow, but then again there's also the possibility that she's going to be there until at least Monday.

Get out there...

2008-10-03T21:50:00.001-04:00

Oh what fun..

2008-09-30T22:36:00.004-04:00

Just when I thought that maybe there was a little light at the end of the tunnel, my luck jumps up and bites me in the ass once again. If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any it seems, though that is true as I have a wonderful woman that loves me.

This time I get a badge in the mail from the company of choice and an email giving me a list of acronyms to memorize. I don't hear anything from them. Then I call them and they claim that there was a problem with my background check. I have never lied on my resume, have never needed to. Called the company that did the background check and they told me that my date been in dispute as one of my jobs on my resume clearly states I left in October of 2000 but they claim the documentation they got said October of 2002. I get all that ironed out and still the company I'm suppose to work for claims that there's another blemish on my background check, but they don't know what it is. Nice that they called me to let me know that I didn't have the job, I mean it's so easy in Michigan to get a job. (note the sarcasm)

Millen is Gone

2008-09-25T21:52:00.005-04:00

The news came down yesterday that the Lions released/fired/Millen himself resigned, who knows. It's a great step, but the Lions have a long list of things to fix to get this team on the right path. Many question if William Clay Ford will do the right thing and hire the right man. Remember, he made the move to hire Millen, a "football man". Something he had never done before and the city was ecstatic. Yes Millen was given a extension when he didn't deserve it and yes he has run this team into the ground and it's going to take a few years to get this team headed in the right direction.

The question now is will the Ford's hire the right man? They've had this team for over 40 years and the best hire they have ever made is Wayne Fontes. Yes that's a scary thought. I guess time will tell. I was a firm believer that they should go after Bill Cowher, but I'm taking a different stance on that. Cowher should come on as either coach or GM not both. The Ford's need to hire a President, a GM and a coach. They need three in those spots not 2 or one. Let's hope they realize this.

It's that time of the year

2008-09-19T09:57:00.010-04:00

Where I get my onset of a cold. Just got a sore throat. Hope it doesn't ruin my fun tomorrow. Thing is I don't do medication, so I'm doing my typical tea with honey to sooth it.

To the Point

2008-09-19T09:57:00.009-04:00

Will be going with the Fiancee and the family to Cedar Point tomorrow. Haven't been in years and have never been to Halloweekends. Not sure if I'll get to check out the Top Thrill Dragster or not but should be a grand time. Though rumor has it the water rides are closed for the year :(

The News

2008-09-17T10:23:00.004-04:00

I blogged before about getting what one would consider great news and I think it is wonderful news. My fiance and I are expecting a new bundle of joy in the next 9 months. Yes she's pregnant. My first and not hers, LoL. Good thing I'll have this blog to keep you informed. :)

It's Me

2008-09-14T10:17:00.003-04:00

We've all had that moment in our life where we believe that it's not our fault it's the fault of the other. I had that feeling about things and I've come to the conclusion it's not anyone else it's me. I'm the problem to my life problems. Will I ever be normal, will I ever be able to do it the right way? Sigh, This feeling just sucks, I guess.

Man Card Revoked

2008-09-10T18:54:00.002-04:00

Yep, I sat and watched my fiance change a garbage disposal. Makes me so manly (notice the sarcasm?) Seems to be the way things go sometimes

The Untitled blog, I guess

2008-09-10T13:27:00.005-04:00

Stress has hit an all time high with me. I'm on edge and the sad thing is I know why, just can't do anything about it. However I do have some good news. I have another job offer. It's not for an extended time frame, but it'll put some decent money in my pocket for a few months. I'll be doing inventory for some of the Bank of America branches in Michigan (Bank of America bought Lasalle Bank) Money is pretty decent and right now it's well needed. Though I have to come up with something a little more long term. This is the longest I've ever been out of work and it's eating at me. Though part of me is afraid to head back into the work force, but that's another blog for another time maybe.

Vote November 2008

2008-09-10T13:23:00.005-04:00

With the election a couple months away, I guess I should get to the secretary of states office and register to vote and change my address. Still uncertain to who I am going to vote for and as I've stated in previous blog, two things I don't talk to people about religion and politics.

Every had.....

2008-09-04T22:18:00.005-04:00

Ever had great news given to you but feel that while the news is wonderful, You don't feel the person giving you the news isn't happy? That every thing that person says to you makes that news mean less and less? I know this person isn't trying to rain on my great news and that's what makes it so bad, how do you deal with that?

Know your role...

2008-08-30T22:35:00.005-04:00

In the words of former WWF superstar, The Rock(Don't ask cause I gave up on wrestling long ago), Know your Role and Shut your mouth.

Some days I feel like my role is defined and other days I feel like I'm searching to find my role. Guess that's what they call life huh? Just a shame that it's not easily defined at some times.

I guess if I knew my role, I could shut my mouth. Guess I'll continue to try and find my role.

Just dawned on me....

2008-08-30T22:32:00.005-04:00

Though I don't live in Ann Arbor, I am actually closer than I had ever thought I'd be to Ann Arbor. Growing up I was always a sports fan. I followed every sport and have have grown into a big Michigan fan. I have had the privilege of attending a game at the Big House, but now I'm closer and I wonder if I can come across a couple tickets to go to another game? Who knows

The update you have been waiting for

2008-08-23T23:42:00.004-04:00

I'm sure most of you that have read this blog have been waiting for an update from me to explain what has been going on. Well I guess now is the time for that. Back in the middle of July, I had enough of the Ex telling me that she wouldn't let me have the house with her name still on the mortgage. I had my fiancee/girlfriend that was willing to step in and take up her side of the bills, but she decided it was in her best interest to not take the offer of leaving. Being fed up, I moved in with my girlfriend/fiancee,

As you read, My adventure with the Science Center has taken a dump and I'm actually a little worried, as my fiancee and I have moved into a beautiful house and I was banking on this whole Science center thing to fall into place, Guess it's time to scramble.

Thing is I should be happy right now. I am moving on in my life, yet I have a small fear still in me. Maybe I'll touch on that at a later time, I can't promise that though.

The Good and The Bad

2008-08-22T23:03:00.003-04:00

Seems like with the good comes the bad. I have officially moved into a house in Superior Township. Neighborhood seems very cool and seems like my life was finally on the rise, however I get a call yesterday from the job I've been waiting on telling me that I should probably look for something else. Nothing like wasting 2 months with nothing. Guess it's time to find a job. Anyone out there hiring?

Movie Review- The Dark Knight

2008-08-18T13:02:00.003-04:00

Batman has never been my favorite Superhero, I was always a fan of Spiderman. However I did enjoy Batman Begins and I really enjoyed The Dark Knight. They say it's very close to the original comic book series, I never read them, so I couldn't tell you if that is the case.

Heath Ledger did an awesome job as the Joker. I think it's a must see movie of the summer

The Review- Star Wars the Clone Wars

2008-08-18T12:53:00.004-04:00

Ok, As most of my readers (the few that I have) know, I am probably one of the biggest "normal" Star Wars fans, meaning I don't dress up as Star Wars characters to go see the new movies nor do I dress up as them any other time.

Any who, I went out and saw the newest installment in the series. The Clone Wars. I will say that I was pretty much disappointed by the movie. Though the separatist droids where funny at moments. I was one of the fans that stood behind Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. I can not support this movie as I thought it wasn't for me, maybe it was more geared for the kids, who knows!

WEST SIDE!!!

2008-08-15T21:53:00.003-04:00

I know I mentioned before that I was moving from Canton to Howell, well in that short time things fell through, more over, it seems that maybe the people renting us the house were doing a scam job on us. Luckily for us, we figured it out before we gave them any money. In a mad scramble, we found a really nice house and are actually doing a rent to own type of deal. So I won't be moving to Howell, but to Superior Township.

Back in the saddle again.

2008-08-05T23:44:00.002-04:00

Well a lot has gone on the last month and some days. Some how I broke the cord to my laptop and I moved out of the house with my ex and in with my fiancee. I have always been an east sider up until the middle of last month and now I'm a west sider and residing in Canton with a move to Howell planned on the 20th of this month. Things are looking great for Mr. Mac and I'm really excited about it.

However with life there are things that make you think. I don't question anything just ponder. Maybe a little to much. Like the old saying goes. If life was easy would it be worth living?

Fear

2008-06-26T04:56:00.004-04:00

I have written about fear in the past and yet here I am sitting up at 5am not being able to sleep because I'm letting fear seep into my brain yet again. The sad thing it's a weird fear, a fear that I haven't felt in a very long time.

As most of my readers know, my life has been anything but drama free and it just seems like when the worst possible thing could go wrong it would. That was the issue, it just seemed like the only luck I had was bad luck. For new readers, here's the recap

Get told you're getting a divorce

Get told you're losing your job

Get told by someone you care about that you aren't good enough

Find out said girl was actually cheating on you behind your back

That is the past and right now I'm at a point where things are actually going well for me. I have a very good possibility for a job. Was pretty much told today that the job was mine and every thing looks promising. Then there's the romance side of things. I'm in a relationship with a woman that I know cares about me and loves me. Both of these things should make Les Mac very happy, but nope.

Ever have that inner struggle with yourself? You know the one, the one where you are telling yourself to expect the worst yet you know that's the wrong thoughts to have in your head. It's like I'm waiting for both of these things to go bad so I can go back to my life as I know it. Yes old Les has reared his ugly little head but this time I'm not letting him win, I'm not letting him spoil my fun. I deserve to be happy and I'm not going to let things that happened in my past stop me from enjoying the good stuff that is happening to me.

More steps

2008-06-15T23:20:00.002-04:00

Maybe I did come across as a bit of a jerk before. It was never my intentions, but I do admit when I'm wrong. Sure I could go back and fix the last blog, but why look back? Let's look forward. I'm taking steps to be a better man and I've surrounded myself with a great cast of friends and a therapist that has been great. I owe a great deal to my girlfriend, she has stood beside me through a lot and times have tested us over the last month or so. She has been my rock and I do owe her alot. I sure hope she knows how much I love her.

The first steps...

2008-06-10T11:28:00.004-04:00

Just because I project the I'm innocent and sweet doesn't mean that I have always been innocent and sweet. I'm Irish and I have red hair, I had to take a long time to learn to control my short temper and do realize I do know how to tap into that and control it. Sure my life the last few months has been rocked and rolled and twisted and turned and part of my head was screwed on wrong and I moped and felt bad for Les.

I owe a great deal to my friends and my therapist for slapping me upside the head and saying, Les look at what you're doing to yourself. Now one of the people that I was very close with has told me that she thinks I'm turning into a jerk and that I don't care. That isn't true, I've just taken the approach that I can't control the outcome of anything but what I am involved with. I can't fight others battles for them, I can't make others do anything they themselves don't want to do. I am in control of my own destiny, no one else is. That's how it goes and that's how it will be from here on out.

That being said, I have used my abilities for good to go back over some of the things that have happened in the past and seen some things that make me very sad, sometimes you over look things when you are in a downward spiral, just good that hindsight is 20/20. Remember those who don't remember the past are doomed to repeat it.

In the dark..........

2008-06-09T13:05:00.004-04:00

It's 90+ degrees here and I have no power thanks the wonderful storms in the area last night. I lost power about 5pm last night and rumor is that a Tornado touched down in the area. Good thing I found a library with power, air and a internet connection. :) Now I just wait. :)

2008 the year of Les

2008-06-03T13:31:00.004-04:00

I've come to a conclusion. I'm making 2008 the year I change my life. I've decided that I wasn't happy with much of anything and I've taken positive steps to move forward. I started the year off with deciding to lose some weight and joining a local gym, then I decided that I'm not happy with the person looking back at me in the mirror, so I decided to see a therapist.

The therapist has been very beneficial to me. I've come to realize that there are things in my life that I can't control and right now we're working towards steps to make me gasp that concept haha. Actually it seems my "addiction" is relationships and my desire to be loved. My therapist has had me print out the 12 steps for AA and to use that as my catalyst for overcoming this. Though I'm quite confused about step 4.

Step 4- Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Not really sure how to do that. I know my morals but I'm assuming that I'm suppose to be listing my good morals and my bad morals. Yeah so I'm having a issue with this one. I'll work at it.

Goal Reached

2008-06-03T13:13:00.004-04:00

Well I got back on the scale this morning and I anticipated a rise in weight, I was pleasantly surprised, I have reached my new goal I set a couple months ago. Now I'm setting my goal to 10 more pounds and we'll see how long that takes.

I'm not really sure what happened, As I have not visited the gym in the last couple of months. I guess it's time to get back in that mood again and keep plugging along. I do miss it as I always felt like a million bucks afterwards.

First Reaction

2008-05-30T17:29:00.000-04:00

This is called “FIRST REACTIONS QUIZ”. You have to type the 1ST thing that comes to mind whenever you hear these 31 things. You can’t think and go back and change your answers. TIP: erase all of the other persons answers first..that way u can think in blank.

Beer: no thanks
McDonalds: More than 10,000 served

Relationships: Yeah No comment
Purple: Bruise

Power Rangers: Voltron

Steroids: Drugs

Cartoons: Animaniacs are zany to the max

The President: Yeah, We won't talk about Mr.

Bush

Florida: Marlins

Santa Claus: Is coming to town

Halloween: AWESOME!

Alice in wonderland: Matrix

Myspace: Facebook is better

Clowns: Circus

Marriage: With the right person

Paris: is a slutty little tramp

Patrick: Swayze

Redheads: We rock

Blondes: Good jokes

One night stands: No thanks

Donald Trump: has funny hair

Neverland: Peter Pan

Pixie: Dust

Vanilla ice cream: Root Beer Float

Hooters: Wings are alright, Buffalo Wild Wings is better

High School Musical:What's that?

Pajamas: I got nothing here

Woody: *In best Bevis in Butt-Head* Huh huh, You said woody

Wet Socks: wet shoes

Dusting myself off...

2008-05-30T14:50:00.006-04:00

Hello Blog fans, it's been a couple weeks and boy has it been a wake up call the last few days. I'm tired of the games and the players. If you don't want to be with me, just come right out and say it and don't go behind my back and go out with someone else , don't tell me that I need to date more people when in fact maybe it is you that needs to date more people.

Am I fucking hurt? You damn well better believe that I'm hurt, am I mad? Misplaced anger is bad energy placed in the wrong spot. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger, I will survive this and I will be fine. Why? Because unlike before. I know I am a great catch, I know that I bring things that some guys don't bring to the plate, I do not need to be mistreated to feel loved, I have to love the one person that I have overlooked. LES!

I do forgive you though and I hope that you find what you are looking for. I hope you find happiness and I hope that you get what you want out of life.

I am no longer afraid.

Fear leads to Anger
Anger leads to Suffering
Suffering leads to the Dark Side.

No more Sorrow, Les is a new man and you just missed out on one hell of a guy!